Some of you might know me from my mother Allison Bottke, The writer, Speaker , Founder of the God Allows U-Turns and the Setting Boundaries series. The Setting Boundaries books , Might I say that I helped inspire her to write. I am currently involved in The U-Turns mission, to bring hope to the lost and collect stories for a future book.
I’m a former bad guy who is committed to changing his life. Fresh out of a Maximum Security Prison after doing 40 months out of 60 This was not my first trip to Perison. Now I see life from a new perspective. I’m looking forward to living a peaceful and productive life. I have a great support group; family, friends, and church is a huge part of my life now. I thank the Lord every day for blessing me and my loved ones. My goal is to share my God Allows U Turns journey with others, my thoughts, dreams, goals, ups and downs, and to encourage others to talk openly about how God is working on their stuff, too. We’ve all got a story to tell…
We gotta stick together and show the world that people CAN change…that God CAN heal, and that miracles ARE possible, so send us your true short stories about how God is working in your life. Pass the word to your people if you know anyone who has a story to share. Mostly, we’re looking for the stories of how God has delivered you from addiction, alcoholism, and a life of crime, or anything else that kept you in bondage to the dude downstairs. Check out the Writer’s Guidelines for how to send your story.
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I look forward to talking and meeting with others traveling this road we call life. I’m living proof that God Allows U-Turns, and I know I’m not alone!
Bad Guy Goes Good Blog 
Good for you Chris! What an answer to prayer for your mom and all of us. I know you will make a difference in a lot of people’s lives who have struggled in the same way. God is the only answer that can help us all!
Holly
Dear Holly,
Thank you for your kind words. And replying to my blog. It really helps me to know I’m touching people’s life with my testimony. I do know that the lord had me travel down the road I was on for so many years for a reason. I know in my heart that I’m meant to help hurt souls with my knowledge and experiences. I truly believe and know deep in my heart that the Lord Jesus Christ is the only one who helped me and my mother and pray partners, get threw some hard times. I try to fallow my heart and the bible every day and it is hard sometimes but it does bring me some comfort to know the Lord has my back..Thank you and God Bless you…Chris
Dear Chris,
God Bless you and everything you are doing now.. I have lived with addicts my whole life… I have been a severe enabler and co-dependent… I see hope within the Lord, your mother and you.. I am new here and will continue to keep up with the blogs and the sight.. I am in a 12 step program and plan to implement it with your mother’s book.. my son just got out of jail, and has to go to the military for the rest of his sentence, he is 18 and this was his first offense.. that he was caught with.. I thank God that he was given this second chance, but I know he has to want it not me.. Will continue later..
Thanks again and May the Lord bless you always
Thanks for sharing. Your u turn gives me hope for my own son who is a drug addict and has gone to jail a couple of times . i know God is going to heal & restore him, but waiting is very diffucult! Joanne
Dear Joanne,
I’m sorry for your pain, I wish I could be more of a help to you and yours, I will pray for you. You must never give up hope. Our time and the Lords time are very different. I truly believe the lord had me go through the trials I underwent to teach me the glory of him. I had to know bad times to feel the good ones and appreciate them.
God Bless You
Chris
Good for you.God is always good. I meet your mom last year at one of her conferences at Prestonwood Baptist church, your Mom’s book and of course GOD, save my kid life , my family, marriage and my sanity. God has a mission for you . Be very proud of your mom.
Dear Teresa,
Yes my mother is a wonderful lady I owe her so much. She never gave up on me and let me tell you I put her threw the ringer more then once. I thank you for your kind words. It truly makes me happy when I hear you got your Sanity back. And your living proof it works if you work it
God Bless You
Chris
Hey Chris, The Lord led me to your web site, what a great testimony. My son-in-law is in the process of going thru the same thing you did, right now ! I also have an awesome testimony of how the Lord delivered me instantanessly from A 22 year meth addiction. And restored my marriage and delivered my son form drug and alcohol addiction too! I have been serving him every sine 11 years now! Thank you Jesus, I want to know him more and more and help set the captives free. So anythink I can do to help you let me know!
Dear Tammy,
I always love to hear about success stories. That Meth is no joke! Congrats for kicking that habit. The lord does choose when he wants to step in and fill us with the Holy Spirit, I will pray for your son inlaw. Just always remember our time is very different then the Lords. I understand being a ex addict that we what things now, not later. Keep your spirits up, Pray and walk with the lord. The Holy Spirit does amazing things, I’m sure you are aware of that. God Bless you.
Chris,
My 29 yr old son just got out of prison after being in the system for 10 yrs and in and out of jail during that time. I wish he could talk to you! He does not want to hear about God or healing and gets angry when I mention it, so I just keep praying he will come around. He lives with his father, who has a problem with alcohol, and that is one of my son’s problems, also. However, my current husband does not want him to live with us and I am so torn by his decision.
I wish the best for you – you give me hope and you are the best person to reach lost souls like my son. I will keep reading and following your blog – bless you!
Deni
Dear Deni,
I’m so sorry for your pain. There are so many souls the devil has a hold of. It nothing nice to sit back and watch a loved one destroy their self. I will pray for him. It took me many years in prison and running the streets to get it threw my head, that the Lord is my savior. I suggest keep praying for him. You cannot change a man until he wants to change…I hit bottom and bounced to many times to list but I did see the light and I do feel the glory of the Lord working with me. Don’t give up.
Dear Chris,
My name is Kyle Duncan, and I am a friend of your mom’s. Actually, I was here editor at Bethany House when we re-published the God Allows U-Turns series. I have a great deal of respect for her, and thoroughly enjoyed working with her. I am also thrilled that the Setting Boundaries series has done so well for her.
Chris, have you thought of writing your story Bad Guy Goes Good in book form? I think it could make quite a compelling book, and be a huge blessing to both those struggling while in “the far country,” and for the parents, spouses and friends of those who love them.
If you are interesting in talking with me about this, please feel free to email me at kyle.duncan@betahnyhouse.com.
Strength and honor in the King,
Kyle
Dear Kyle,
Thank you so very much on commenting on my blog. It makes me so happy when I can reach out and touch someone’s live with my testimony. I agree my mother has been a God sent to me, She helps me with so much and I thank the Lord every day for her letting me back in her life, Things are good with our relashinchip we do have our up’s and downs but we have communication and the Lord working with us..I emailed you a not I hope you got it. Well thanks again for your comment. God Bless you….Chris
Dear Chris:
I have been through the twelve weeks, Setting Boundaries twice with my husband. My husband and I were interviewed on Diane’s blog talk radio on June 4, 2010. I prayed for you while you were in prison. Can you offer encouragement to me please. (I hate to be so direct). My son is 32 and has a alchohol/drug addiction and is has been in and out of jail, never prison though, he always managed to be sentenced to detention center time. I want to unconditionally show him that I love him while setting boundaries, can you possibly explain how I can do this?
Dear Francene,
First off thank you for your prayers while I was behind the walls. It really helped me knowing I was not alone. I wish I could tell you all the right things and ease your heart. I speak direct and believe in truth, Faith. Let me first say I’m not a Physiologist or a lawyer, All I can tell you is what worked for me and my mom. And I will always be direct, Life is too short and time is too valuable for beating around the bush. I lived a life of addiction and I’m fully aware of the system and the in and out, the revolving door of the state system. I do not beat around the bush I’m rather straight forward with my word so never think I’m disrespecting you and yours. At 32 years old he is in a vicious cycle of addiction and denial. At this point it might sound harsh but you have to stop the insanity and you have to have boundaries. Sometimes the lord wants us to be selfish; helping your son is only hurting him. He knows in the back of his head that if anything happens he can use you and your family as a safety net. When you give him truly over to the lord that’s when he starts living for himself.
Always be honest with him, never down play your feelings…he has to know he is tearing you and yours up. He might not really grasp the way you’re feeling. What worked for me and my mother was setting a written outline of what is and is and is not acceptable and holding to it. Tough love is hard. But enabling an addict is really hurting him more in my opinion. I believe communication is #1 if you communicate you can re-build trust, love and a happy life…The devel wants chaos and distruction…We as Christians must fight every day for our sanity…And its not easy, but it does get better over time.
Tell him you love him pray with him, he might not want to hear it but eventually it will hit him that your love is strong and you do care…Never give up hope I say a lot our time is very different then the lords time…Hang in there and keep your FAITH strong and realize he is 32 not your little baby anymore and I’m sure he knows right from wrong and he does control the actions and paths he walks, Please feel free to get a hold of me anytime I’m always here to help my email address is badguygoesgood@gmail.com or cjsmith4749@gmail.com
God Bless you and yours…..Chris
Chris,
I am sure that you are busy with your new blog and all of your projects, but my son has been battling drug addiction for 2 years now. He just turned 21 in jail and has been sentenced to 15 years in the state prison. He is now waiting to be transferred from the county jail to prison. He is frightened. He tells me that he is reading his bible and is praying a little. He asked me if I could get people to write him letters he would appreciate it. Anyway I would like to ask you, if you feel led by the Lord, to write my son a letter.
Caleb Caldwell
Greenup County Detention Center
100 Laurel St.
Greenup, KY 41144
Thank you for your time.
Dear Michelle,
It really hurts me to hear about such a young man receiving such a long bit in prison. I do not know the parole states in that state, how much does he have to do out of the hole sit before being able to go to the parole board? I’m sure your heart hurts for him deeply. I also know that many of the apostles and Paul did great works from behind the walls of prison. I truly believe the last prison bit I did I truly needed I was out of control and needed the lord bad. This last time I was in it really hit me that I needed the lord in my life. We can only pray and support him through these hard times ahead… Usually after sentencing they put you on a chain up to state rather fast… So please let me know the outcome. I love writing convicts and giving them my testimony…I will write to him and keep you and yours in my prayers. You will have to send me his Prison address and prison number…My email is cjsmith4749@gmail.com.Remember the lord has plans for all of us and it reminds me of Matt.11:28.Thanks for writing me, really if you have any questions or just want to talk please feel free to get a hold of me…I do not have all the answers but I have been to 3 different prisons in my life and I know abit about survival and dos and don’ts for both of you…God Bless you and yours…Chris
Hey Chris, I met your mother at a conference in Jefferson Texas when I pastored a couple of churches there – several years ago now. I believe that God has used for good what the enemy meant for no-good! And because you are willingly offering yourself to be used of the Lord – He will do mighty things through you and your story of healing! I have a staff member who has his own story of healing and I hope he will send it to you and your sweet mother. By the way tell her Pastor Polly Standing says hello – who knows maybe I will start a “Books Alive” here in Wharton, Texas. God bless you as you keep walking the walk! Pastor Polly
Dear Pastor Polly.
Thank you so much for reading my blog, and commenting on it. It means a lot to know there are others out there on my side. I know and truly believe that the lord does have great plans for me and my mother. We are trying to get the guidelines up for our story collection for this next project so as we do you will be notified and you can pass it along to your friend….Thank you so much again…God Bless
Chris
Chris – I bought your mother’s book on Boundaries over 2 years ago. It has been a very painful read for me because I realize that what I thought was helping my son was actually enabling him. He is now 23 years old and going down a very dangerous path. Would you please pray for Andrew in Virginia – that God would restore him and bring him back to the only thing in life that can satisfy? God bless you!
Dear Chris,
Thank God for your new choices! I too, have two sons who are alcoholics and neither have worked for 10 years. I have been the world’s worst enabler. Your mother’s book about setting boundaries was the best thing that ever happened to me. It has really opened my eyes. I have read it many times to help her message really sink in and to gain strength and resolve to do what I need to do for my health and sanity. I am letting go of an apartment that I paid for to keep my son from going into the streets. I am so fearful that when he becomes homeless, I will lose my resolve. By the way he is 41. How’s that for insanity?
I need to see him as an adult male and not my first born little boy. I have made many mistakes over the years, one of which was marrying a man who did not embrace either one of my sons. I am so overwhelmed with sadness and guilt for bringing this man into their lives, that I believe this added to my enabling. I guess I need your encouragement to help me take the next step. I know it is the right thing and God’s will to “let go and let God”.
I thank God that your mother’s book set me on a path that is right, and I believe it was no accident that I came across it. If you could write back and reassure me that this NEEDS TO BE DONE, it would mean alot. I need to believe there is hope and seeing that God honored your mother’s prayers is very reassuring. However, I need to hear from someone that has walked the road of addiction and homelessness and come out on the other side. I guess what I am asking for is strength and hope that what I fear the most does not have to be the end of the story but a new beginning.
May God bless you, strengthen you, and encourage you as you walk your new path in life.
Dear Margaret – I know exactly the pain that you are going through. Just yesterday, my 23 year old son walked out the door with only the clothes on his back, promising as he left that his Dad and I would never see him again. My heart is so broken. I too see my son as he was when he was a child – sweet and innocent. I know that what happened yesterday has been a long time coming. I just have to trust that God will take care of him now that I have stepped out of the way and given Andrew over to Him. I am afraid of what lies ahead for my son. The enemy wants me to believe that I have caused this pain and mess of a relationship. However, I have always tried to fix Andrew’s mistakes instead of allowing him to suffer the consequences of his actions. I will lift your boys up in prayer with those for my own son.
Thanks to you Chris for starting this blog! The story of your struggles will provide much needed encouragement for those who are walking the same path today. My only question is – while you were going through your trials, did you ever – at any point – feel hatred towards your mother? My son insists that it is the fault of his Dad and I that his life is messed up. I have tried to reason with him that the only person who has messed his life up is him – because of the poor choices that he has made. Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated.
Dear Susan,
Thank you first of all for reading my blog and sending me your message. I’m truly sorry for your pain and I have prayed for Andrew. I’m no Psychologist but I have walked the wrong way and have been around the block. Saying that you have had enough and want to let go is always a hard choice. That’s when the Lord is really working with you. I must admit I blamed everyone and one of my step dads for so many years Susan. But really it came to the point in my life that I had to be real with myself and say hey I made the choices that led me to Prisons, and to being homeless. I blamed everyone for so long it made me sick with hate. I wish I could tell you your son will realize this soon and will be all better but hey I’m being real with you. Life is hard and it took me so long to figure out that I made the choices that I made to get me to where I was. I was guilty Of EVERY crime I did time for. And I got what I deserved. But it took me many years of anger and hate and just not feeling loved to get it threw my head that I did not want to live like that. And I still made wrong choices…I will say this you letting Andrew walk his own path is what, I believe needed to happen. He is a man and should walk like a man and make his own choices. I know it’s hard but its life. I pray that he finds his way faster than I did. But know this if he was still living with you and taking advantage of your home, he would never ever come to the point in his life where he needs to accept responsibility and be held accountable for his actions.
And thank you for sharing with Margaret, if we all talk things threw and share with one another it makes it easier and believe this you and me are not alone where so many hurting souls out there is. One day at a time and give it over to the Lord Matt-11:28
Dear Margaret,
Thank you so much for getting back to me about my log and its effect it has on your well being. It is truly an honor to be able to speak to you and lend any help I can to your Sanity. Sometimes it is hard to let go of your first born or in fact any child you have raised. It’s not an easy thing pushing the from there nest and sending them out to the real world, my prayers are with you on this most difficult decision you are making. Try not to blame yourself to hard it is an instinct to care for your children, And as far as a husband that did not embrace your children is not your fault. I sound like me they were old enough to fend for themselves and chose to take the easy way out and stay home bound. So don’t feel guilty for this. I know its easier said than done but step back and look outside the norm…I’m sure you did everything you could to make their life a pleasant one..So no BLAMING yourself first thing…OK??
Know as for myself and my relationship with my dear mother, it has not been a easy road to travel. Communication is #1 in my book…with honest communication you can understand were one stands, rebuild love, trust and with the lords held you can conocker all.
I do hope with reading my mother’s book too took the steps and gave him alternatives and choices before moving him out. And he failed to fallow threw your needs.
Margaret, you know what you did was a necessity and not done out of hate, you have to sometimes push the bird from the nest before they learn to fly. I’m sure your son will make some choices, now I’m not one to candy coat things so I’ll tell you like it is. Or was with me…It took me quite awhile to figure out that my way was the wrong way and it hurt me when I came to realize that I was wrong. Myself being a man I wanted to be right and do my own thing and things did get worse before they got better…Be aware of these issues and stand strong to your feelings and gut instinct. You have read my mother’s book you know the S.A.N.I.T.Y steps and I can tell you they have worked in our rebuilding a positive and loving relationship and I know it has worked for many more parents out there. Stand strong and do not let the devil or the booze from his lips trick you…You know when things are right and wrong and stand by the word of the Lord and he shall deliver…
Diane V. approached me several months(years?)ago and asked if I would be interested in writing to you in prison. You have been in my thoughts and on my heart again, recently, and today I found your blog. You are such an encouragement and inspiration. I truly appreciate your openness and your desire to love and serve others.
Hey Chris,
My wife and I started reading your Mom’s book recently and it has been a real eye opener. She and I have been discussing the possibility of sharing this information with people in our church. That is what brought me to the internet. Looking for more information about support groups I found that the website is down, but I then ran across your blog. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. My wife and I are only half way through Setting Boundaries… so the last I knew you had just gone to court and blamed your Mom for tearing up in the court room to get sympathy. Glad to hear that you are out of the states bondage and best of all out of Satan’s bondage. It sounds as though you are now a bond servant of Christ. Congratulations!
I am step father to three children who are now all over the age of twenty-one, all of whom have had and continue to have issues, dramas and melodramas in their lives. I married their Mother thirteen years ago and have been with them through just about everything that three “children” can go through. In addition to my past issues, dramas, and melodramas including but not limited to drug and alcohol abuse, criminal activity of all types leading to more than a few trips through jail and prison, anywhere from a few weeks to 7 years. A failed marriage and much emotional damage to family.
My wife grew up in an abusive home where alcohol was a contributing factor. She then moved to an abusive marriage which subsequently ended in divorce.
We came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ 12 years ago and it feels as though we have been engaged in spiritual warfare ever since. Because of the children’s issues we have looked the ugly specter of separation and divorce more than once. Financially we came closer to bankruptcy than I care to remember. Spiritually though we have been tempered by the fire.
The point of my rambling here is that my wife and I seem to be feeling the nudge of the Holy Spirit to seek out others in our church that have dealt and are dealing with dysfunctional adult children. It is a great testimony to hear that Allison’s son has come out of the darkness and into the Light and is walking with his Mother to share the message of hope.
Thank you Chris and Allison
Jeff and Deitria Clark
Hi Chris; It is a thrill to see that through your decisisions that brought upon deep trials, and tribulations, not only to yourself, but also to your mother, that you are showing the world a silver lining comes after the adversity and lessons that God needed to teach you to bring you into a deep relationship with “Him”. Because of what you have been through and learned, those lessons learned, I am sure God will use you as an “Intrusment” in his hands, that you will bring hope and help to those that are where you once were. I have a (26) year old grandson, whom I love dearly, who will be incarerated for another possible (2) years for selling drugs. All of these things he chose to walk into seemed so against his gentle nature, and the love he has for his family. I do worry that when he is released from jail (with a now crimminal record) what he will do to financially support himself. He needs a male mentor. Do you know where one starts to look for a mentor for a guy in his sitation.
We live in Calgary, Alberta Canada. People are not as forgiving as our God is. Any suggestions, will be most appreciated. God bless you and all your Family. Keep your eyes on Jesus, it truly is all about Him. Peace be with you Donna
Hey Chris, I read your mom’s book and am so glad you are on a new path to a better way. I have a 31 year old daughter with 2 boys who is not doing so well. My husband and I have a big “E” for enabler on our forehead, mainly because of our two grandsons. We aren’t really dealing with substance abuse, just total lack of responsibility and some personality disorder issues–histrionics, etc.–but the results are similar. Anyway…your story gives me hope and
How do I contact Chris? He’s a friend. He can call me at 952-237-7223…Mike Hubers
Wondering how he’s doing… Hopefully he is doing well. From what I’ve read on these web pages 🙂
he is back in jail
I just found out your u-turn went into a circle.
I hope Chris is doing well in his recovery. I wish him all the best. God bless.
Hey man! Soooo your my birth dad I would like to meet you or talk or anything! I have a family and we want to see you!