My heart has been weighing heavy lately and thought of all you lost souls out there, I also think and pray daily about all my friends who have returned to prison..It pains me to think about all the evil and peoples old ways coming to the surface. I heard nothing but I’m never going back to prison when I was behind the walls and as I look at the DOC web site I see so many of my friends I did bible studies and friends who I thought that really had a plan and ideas, goals so when they got out they could stay out.
But I know firsthand it’s easier said than done. I have made more bad choices then I care to admit and I know that the only thing that has kept me from violating my parole is the walk I walk with the lord. My mother is the second reason witch comes to this point..I have a church and a great support network of powerful prayer warriors on my side.
I think that these friends of mine who I truly believe that wanted to stay clean and stay out of prison where missing one huge factor in there re-entry..No support group, No friends and family who they could just sit and talk to. I do not expect a lot of parents and others to understand what someone who has spent years behind the walls feel upon release..But for myself I talked and communicated with my mother and pastor and my mentors the feelings of not being able to be in crowds and not being able to voice my feelings.
.See feelings in side prison are dangerous..We cannot show feelings or show weakness..It’s just not possible surrounded by people just looking to pray on the weak..So we hold it in and after so long it becomes habit to not talk and not let our feelings show..Yes it is not right but let me tell you it is the way it goes..And after we come out and people honestly try to help we find it hard. We have spent so many years bottling up our anger, feelings and trying to forget the past. That we truly forget how to trust and interact with others..
I truly believe that’s why so many of us convicts return to prison..We cannot open up and share our thoughts and goals and feelings..Some prisons are worse than others and I have been in maximum security prisons most of my life and let me tell you..I thought one day at a time because I might not live to see the next..I understand this is harsh and it’s hard to comprehend but I’m telling you all this is the way it is…
My point I’m making is if you have a loved one coming out of the system, I feel you must let them move on there on time, please do not hit them with what are you going to do now..Too soon, try to understand that they are fighting for their life day and night, even though they are not behind the walls anymore. I know it might be hard to watch your love one sit in his room but think of it like this, he has been in a cell and its comfortable to be in a small area and have control of his surroundings and let him adjust on his own..Show him your love and understanding but try not to put too much on his plate..That will overload a convict so fast and shut down and us as people want to feel safe and comfortable and we want to know our surroundings and if you try to fast to change his thought pattern..You might have a runner on your hands.
It’s not that we like or want to go back to prison. I hear so much he must like it in there..This is so not true the fact is he is comfortable in that surrounding and the stress of the outside and the responsibilities were too much…please try to understand we need time to adjust and it may be a month or years but know this..We all want to be free from the prison and we want to enjoy life..So he or she will come around but please don’t try to rush it, give it to the Lord and he will work, mold your love one into a new man..Rember the lord’s time is not our time….well that’s my thought for today..God Bless you all.
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