My heart has been weighing heavy lately and thought of all you lost souls out there, I also think and pray daily about all my friends who have returned to prison..It pains me to think about all the evil and peoples old ways coming to the surface. I heard nothing but I’m never going back to prison when I was behind the walls and as I look at the DOC web site I see so many of my friends I did bible studies and friends who I thought that really had a plan and ideas, goals so when they got out they could stay out.
But I know firsthand it’s easier said than done. I have made more bad choices then I care to admit and I know that the only thing that has kept me from violating my parole is the walk I walk with the lord. My mother is the second reason witch comes to this point..I have a church and a great support network of powerful prayer warriors on my side.
I think that these friends of mine who I truly believe that wanted to stay clean and stay out of prison where missing one huge factor in there re-entry..No support group, No friends and family who they could just sit and talk to. I do not expect a lot of parents and others to understand what someone who has spent years behind the walls feel upon release..But for myself I talked and communicated with my mother and pastor and my mentors the feelings of not being able to be in crowds and not being able to voice my feelings.
.See feelings in side prison are dangerous..We cannot show feelings or show weakness..It’s just not possible surrounded by people just looking to pray on the weak..So we hold it in and after so long it becomes habit to not talk and not let our feelings show..Yes it is not right but let me tell you it is the way it goes..And after we come out and people honestly try to help we find it hard. We have spent so many years bottling up our anger, feelings and trying to forget the past. That we truly forget how to trust and interact with others..
I truly believe that’s why so many of us convicts return to prison..We cannot open up and share our thoughts and goals and feelings..Some prisons are worse than others and I have been in maximum security prisons most of my life and let me tell you..I thought one day at a time because I might not live to see the next..I understand this is harsh and it’s hard to comprehend but I’m telling you all this is the way it is…
My point I’m making is if you have a loved one coming out of the system, I feel you must let them move on there on time, please do not hit them with what are you going to do now..Too soon, try to understand that they are fighting for their life day and night, even though they are not behind the walls anymore. I know it might be hard to watch your love one sit in his room but think of it like this, he has been in a cell and its comfortable to be in a small area and have control of his surroundings and let him adjust on his own..Show him your love and understanding but try not to put too much on his plate..That will overload a convict so fast and shut down and us as people want to feel safe and comfortable and we want to know our surroundings and if you try to fast to change his thought pattern..You might have a runner on your hands.
It’s not that we like or want to go back to prison. I hear so much he must like it in there..This is so not true the fact is he is comfortable in that surrounding and the stress of the outside and the responsibilities were too much…please try to understand we need time to adjust and it may be a month or years but know this..We all want to be free from the prison and we want to enjoy life..So he or she will come around but please don’t try to rush it, give it to the Lord and he will work, mold your love one into a new man..Rember the lord’s time is not our time….well that’s my thought for today..God Bless you all.
Bad Guy Goes Good Blog 
well done Chris keep up the good work
Thank you so much for this. My son just go out the end of July. He is 29 yrs old and has been in and out of jail/prison for the last 10 years and it’s been hard. He seems different this time and that has been an answer to a prayer.
You are such a comfort to those of us who have had a loved one in prison as no one else understands.
Many blessings to you,
Denice
Chris, my son was in prison for 5 years, sex-offender. He has been out for 6 months. He is totally irresponsible with his money. Has bought 4 cell phones, had a used car for free, traded it in for a high interest used car (junk), quit job, working at another, but not a regular job. I read your mother’s book and will soon be giving the “move out” talk. Giving him 6 months. Was doing well when he got out, very involved with church, but now pulled back from it. Goes out at night, even tho has a FL 10 pm cerfew. I am an enabler, but my $$ is running out. My question is this: Am I being unfair to give him 6 months to move out on his own? That will make it one year from his release.
Chris,
you are so inspiring and so lucky to have found god in your life. My son will be 28 next month and has been struggling with addiction since he was 15. After being incarcerated for 1 1/2 years he came out 2 yrs ago and did ok for a while. now unfortunately he has become addicted to Meth. he hasnt held a job since april and we do not help him financially at all, so i am sure you know how hw is surviving. We have had to set strict boundaries because he has stolen from us and we have made it very clear that he is not welcome in our home. His girlfriend is expecting and will deliver in 6 wks. He is in denial of his disease and is presently homeless, living from 1 place to another on a couch.
His girlfriend is living with her mother. We pray for him but really dont have any communication with him. I am a greatful member of alanon and it is my slavation. my husband and I are practicing detachment with love. i have a lot of hope for him if only he would turn to god, but he is not there yet. we know that we have enabled him and probably prolonged this addiction. But we are trying to change our thinking hoping he will see and feel the harsh consequences of his choices. we have always been a strong loving family, but this has been very hard for us including our 26 yr old son who is having a hard time dealing with this. we have heard over and over again that tough love is the best way and that eventually they hit bottom and then come back up we pray for that. if you have any advice , I would greatly appreciate it.
Good Morning,
My son has been out for a year and I’ m at my wits end. I don’t know what to do as I am his sponsor and mother. He has anger issues, he’s capable of getting a job but, does not make a strong attempt to get out and look for one, he seems to be doing things just to pacify me.
He has made it clear that he doesn’t like living with his mother and I get that. I allowed him to be sent here from Wisconsin and have laid down my house rules and for the most part he respects them and keeps a clean space to a certain point.
He went in at nineteen for making stupid decisions and came out eight years later, for fighting. I have read all the files and realized that he was fight off attacks and inmates trying to disrepect him. B was a boxer and knows how to protect himself, so I’ m not concern with the other stuff that goes on in prison.
He has joined a semi-professional football team and is flourishing in everything that does not bring him the money to get on his feet.
He can get foodstamps and would not buy food for home when did have them, then coming in the house eating all the food up and acting ignorant when I tell him to take care of himself. He keeps lying to me and I’ m abouit to put his behind out.
I need some suggestions cause I’ m very upset and annoyed. I love my son and have been praying for him. I see him acting like he’s eighteen
nedra,
listen to your self you know what you have to do..when you provide a safety net for him he will always come back..its not fare for you and you are not helping him .He needs to be set free, I know this is not easy but when a person knows he can fall back on a family member he knows he is set. i believe you should set a date and stick to it that he needs to be indapendant and fend for his self. fending for ones self builds caecter and he needs to feel that he can make it on his own. sometimes we have to be selfish and do you.remember you can not help someone till you are fixed your self..dont blame yourself.your a mom and its your nature to help your son but once again take the safety net away and set some rules and guidelines..and if he does not listen you tried and its not far for you to worry and take care of a grown man..My best wishes and God Bless you
Please note that I understand that prison is difficult and most felons can get a job, his offense is for car jacking and its 7 years old. He has had a job but, does not have a car. He was in school and got the money and dropped out but, saw that he bought all these clothes. I realize that time must have froze for him, cause he was acting like a teenager. All his friends are either real young and he is slowly changing for the better. However how do I get past the stage of helping him on his way. He is twenty-seven and I need him to move on up and out.
Nedra,
they say the firs time you use drugs you stay that age..it might be true but i have heard it many times. Life for a out coming convict has a impact that we need to ketch up with lost time. I suggest that you give him a date and stick to it..he is a adult and you making him fend for himself is only going to help him grow up..This is never easy but sometimes you have to be selfish and take care of you..remember if your not right you cant help anyone..fix your self and set some standards and you should see some changes.. good luck and God Bless You..its not going to be easy biut in the long run it will teach him how to survive and make goels…